The esteemed awards show opens up in a… rather not-so-glamorous setting: Allan’s apartment…!!!As Allan prepares for the show, putting on his cheaply rented tux, a sudden knock comes at the door. He ignores it at first, checking himself out in the mirror. The banging increases tenfold, immensely irritating him.
Allan: O-kay, I’m com-ing.
He opens the door to find a peculiar sight: an old, shriveled-up human body with a bent-out-of-shape torso flailing about forwards and backward.
Allan: Uhhh, can I help youuu?
Neighbor: Hello! You don’t know me, but I’m one of your fellow tenants in this apartment complex. Do you by chance have a cane I can use? Or even a big stick I can shove up my back?
Allan: No, sor-ry, I don’t. But I can see you de-fin-it-ely need one.
Neighbor: Yeah, this old body of mine ain’t what it used to be. Say, you look all dapper. Where are you headed this fine Sunday afternoon?
Allan: My boss got us free seats at the A-cad-e-my A-wards. My co-work-ers are host-ing the show cause they could not af-ford an-y-one else. (looks directly into the camera) Those br-oke lo-sers.
Neighbor: My, that sounds swell! Say, are you doing anything after? Wanna come over to my place?
Allan: Uhhh… to do what ex-act-ly?
Neighbor: Oh, I don’t know. I was thinking… maybe we could smoke some weed, fill our bellies with DIET soda, and watch Burnout: Revenge – Y10, directed by Robert Rodriguez, and distributed by Phoenix Fire Pictures – on Four-Kay You-Ache-Deeee.
*close up on Allan, who’s seemingly going through a ‘Nam style PTSD trip of the events of Smiling Friends: Season 2, Episode 3 - An Allan Adventure*
Allan: I’ll pass. My boss is hol-ding an af-ter par-ty for the em-ploy-ees, Os-car nom-i-nees, and win-ners.
Neighbor: Suit yourself! Tell you what… I might just tune into the ceremony and watch. Maybe I’ll see you there!
Allan: Yeah, may-be.
The neighbor awkwardly flops away, slamming his torso back and forth against the hard ground.
Allan: Shee-sh, I need to move out of this dump.
Just then, Allan gets a text from Mr. Boss, informing him that his ride has arrived.
Allan: A-bout damn tiii-me.
Allan exits his apartment complex to find a comically large limousine parked up front. He is forced to walk to the end to find Mr. Boss, Charlie, Pim, and Glep already waiting for him inside. The car takes off into the sky, jetting off from Pennsylvania to California.
Glep: Jebazzajabu!
Allan: Sorry. I was be-ing held up by a no-sy neigh-bor. An-y-ways, how are our fine hosts do-ing this ev-e-ning?
Charlie: Not good, man. Not good at all.
Pim: C’mon, Charlie. It won’t be that bad. Remember we killed it at the nomination announcements?
Charlie: Yeah, but I didn’t know we were gonna be hosting the actual damn thing! This is like ten times the amount of eyes we had on us before. Oh, man… I… I think I’m gonna… (suddenly covers his mouth)
Mr. Boss: Boy, God help you if you puke in my newly purchased limojet. At least do it in the window.
(Charlie does just that, rolling down the window and letting it all out onto some unfortunate midwestern state that they’re passing over. When he finishes, he falls back in his seat, breathing heavily)
Pim: You good, dude?
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. You know that… that felt good. Honestly, I feel so much better now.
Mr. Boss: That’s good. Now, Charlie and Pim. I know your nerves are high, and this probably all feels overwhelming to you, but don’t worry, you guys don’t have to do that much during the ceremony. All you’re gonna do is read off teleprompters for the opening speech, and maybe glaze up some of the celebrity guests… if you catch my drift… then it’s cruise control for the rest of the ceremony. Basically, all you’ll be doing is announcing everyone who’s presenting the nominees. Maybe throw in a joke or two if want, but the main point is it’ll be a piece of cake.
Pim: So… all we’re doing is literally just announcing the presenters who go on to announce the winners?
Mr. Boss: Yes that’s… verbatim what I just said.
Pim: Gotcha. Well, that’s not too bad.
Charlie: Yeah, when you put it like that, I guess it sounds pretty easy.
Mr. Boss: Exactly! You two will be just fine. I mean, you can’t be any worse than Jo Koy at the Y9 Golden Globes, right?....... (*deep, threatening southern gentleman accent*) I swear to God if you’re worse than Jo Koy at the Y9 Golden Globes…
Pim: No, no. We got this Mr. Boss, trust us.
Charlie: Who is Jo Koy?
Mr. Boss: Oh, look! We’re already here!
The limousine conveniently lands in front of the Dolby Theatre. The gang exits, wading through the crowded red carpet of celebrities, nominees, and press members. As they walk, Allan takes note of a significant number of armed guards and search dogs discreetly guarding and searching the premises.Inside the theatre, Mr. Boss brings the boys to a VIP box, where two well-dressed people (voiced by Robert Pattinson and Ana de Armas) are already seated.
Mr. Boss: Boys, I’d like you all to meet two very special people: Chris and María Lager. As you can probably guess, they are the founders and co-CEOs of Lager Pictures. And they’re the reason why you two (*points to Charlie and Pim*) are hosting the show!
Pim: (to the Lagers) Thank you so much for letting us do this! It’s a tremendous honor!
Chris: The honor’s all ours. We’re both huge admirers of your charity.
(María gives him a side-eye.)
Chris: Well, I am, at least.
(María glides over towards Charlie and Pim, towering over them imposingly. The pair look nervously at each other as she examines them from top to bottom)
María: Hmph. Listen up, you two. I’m gonna completely frank with you because that’s not Chris’ specialty.
Chris: It really isn’t!
María: The only two reasons you two are even here, to begin with, is because, one, the Academy couldn’t afford to find a more high-profile on short notice.
Charlie: Oh, that was… already apparent.
María: Don’t ever interrupt me again. And reason two is because your boss here… he’s a great guy. And I don’t say that about just anyone. He put in a very good word for you two, and I told him that the only way he’d secure a position as a chair member at our studio is if you two did a superb job hosting tonight.
Pim: Is that true Mr. Boss?
Mr. Boss: Sure is!
María: And let me say if you two flop this Jo Koy style… well, actually, you probably don’t want to know what I’ll do.
Charlie: Seriously, who is this Jo Koy guy?
Pim: Um… Mrs. Lager… what will… happen… to us… exactly… if we glop?
María: Oh, I’ll tell you five things that’ll happen. Lemme see...(raises index finger) One! (raises middle finger) Two! (raises ring finger) Three! (raises pinkie finger) Four! (balls her hand into a fist, cracking her knuckles as she does) FIVE!
Pim: Oh… I… get the picture.
Charlie: *gulp*
María: WHAT WAS THAT?!
Charlie: Nothing. Just a gulp.
María: Oh, okay then! Well anyway, you two should probably get going! I think the show’s about to start.
Chris: Good luck to you boys! We’re rooting for you.
(María side-eyes him again)
Chris: Well, I am, at least.
The gang exits the booth. Glep and Allan are escorted to their assigned seats by an usher. As they leave, Allan, again, takes note of the intense level of security inside the auditorium. Backstage behind the presentation hall, Charlie and Pim wait with Mr. Boss as the final wave of attendees enters the theater.
Charlie: Boy, that Lager lady was… quite a character.
Pim: You’re actually gonna be working with them, Mr. Boss?
Mr. Boss: I sure will! Cause I know you two are gonna knock it out of the park tonight! ...Right?
Pim: You can count on us, sir!
Charlie: Yeah… totally…
The lights dim in the theatre as the music inside the pit orchestra swells.
Announcer: Live from the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, California… The Y10 Academy Awards!
As the theater-goers thunderously applaud, Mr. Boss bids the boys good luck, snapping his fingers and vanishing into thin air, poofing into the boof with the Lagers. “Jesus Christ!” shouts a startled Chris, jumping into his wife’s arms, only to be promptly dropped on the ground by her.
Announcer: Hosted by two members of the Smiling Friends charity foundation…
Charlie: (*sighs*) This is it, man.
Pim: (*deep breaths*) Let’s do this!
Announcer: …Charlie Dompler and Pim Pimling!
The crowd applauds as the pair take the stage, smiling and courteously waving to all in attendance. As the two take center stage, the applause dies down as everyone takes their seats. After a bit of awkward silence, Charlie and Pim nervously look at each other. After a long, deep breath and exhale, the two reach a level of confident tranquility. Charlie motions for Pim to take the lead.
Pim: Hello, everybody! Hello! Welcome, one and all, to the Y10 Academy Awards!
*thunderous applause*
Charlie: Ten years? That’s pretty crazy.
Pim: That it is, Charlie. Ten years is quite a milestone. There’ve been so many great films this decade, it’s truly remarkable.
Charlie: It makes you wonder what they were thinking about getting two nobodies like us to host this show, huh?
(*light laughter from the audience*)
Pim: Heh, it’s strange, I’ll give you that. But I will say we have quite a show for you guys tonight! We have a wonderful assortment of nominees up for some very special awards. And hopefully, we’ll get to hear some amazing speeches throughout the night!
(*cheers*)
Pim: We also have some talented artists and musicians performing some amazing songs tonight! Scott Mescudi, Susumu Hirasawa, Olivia Rodrigo, Alex Lasater, and the talented ensemble of The Boy with the Green Eyes!
(*more cheers*)
Charlie: Pim, I understand we’ll also get exclusive sneak previews for big upcoming films.
Pim: That’s right, Charlie! And hopefully, they can all make their prospective release dates in a timely fashion!
Charlie: I sure hope so! Would be a real shame if none of them ever came out.
*both wink to the camera, laughs from the audience*
Charlie: Yeah, they’ll release on schedule.
Pim: No doubt about it! More importantly, we have some very cool guests attending tonight and we’d like to spotlight them!
Charlie: For the first time, we got two directors for an animated film nominated for, not just Animated Feature, but for Best Director, too. Please give a warm welcome to Adam Muto and Jennifer Yuh Nelson, directors of Gateways: The Empire of Zenith!
*cheers and applause follow as the camera cuts to each spotlighted nominee*
Pim: And don’t forget, this is also the first year we’ve ever had two animated films nominated for Best Picture! The second is Berserk: The Golden Age! Everybody, please give a warm hand to first-time nominee Zack Snyder for his nomination in Best Animated Feature!
Charlie: Congrats, my man! Sucker Punch is one of my all-time favs!
*laughs*
Pim: You do have the weirdest taste in films, you know that?
Charlie: It’s a feature, not a bug. Anyways, our next spotlight is an actor nominated not for just one, but TWO individual acting awards tonight from the SAME film. Ladies and gentlemen, from Tailypo, Andy Serkis!
Pim: Well-deserved, indeed! And long overdue, I might add! Speaking of long overdue, we have two actors here tonight who’ve worked in the entertainment industry for several decades and are now first-time nominees. From Let’s Eat Dad, Dedé Santana, and from Maniac Magee, Tobin Bell.
Charlie: Academy Award nominee Jigsaw, man! I love it. But, uh, don’t be playing any games with us tonight, bruh. We have a show to host here and we wanna come out with our bodies completely intact.
(*cut back to Tobin Bell, who gives the camera a cheeky smile, provoking hard laughter from the audience*)
Pim: We also have some extra special guests in attendance tonight. Three of the breakout stars from Tailypo, the seasoned, veteran actors who faced off against the terrifying titular creature. Everybody give a warm welcome to the bestest boys and girl: Ash, Goose, and Kiri!
(*everyone in the auditorium gives a standing ovation to the three canine actors behind Uno, Ino, and Cali, who applaud with their front paws*)
Charlie: I love it, I love it! Don’t be fooled by their cute appearances, though! We’ve been told that they can mess you up pretty easily.
Pim: I’d hate the poor sap that crosses paths with them.
Charlie: Kiri, especially, man. I mean, look at her. I know the eyes of a killer when I see one.
*laughs as the camera cuts to Kiri, who pants without a care in the world*
Charlie: See what I mean, bro! Enough to turn a bad guy to stone!
(*more laughs*)
Pim: Well, we won’t keep you all for long. As we said before, this is going to be an amazing night, giving out some awards and providing a great show for you all. But before we go on, we just want to say, to everyone watching, here or at home, that… we know a lot is going on in the world right now. I’m sure a lot of how have some current events on your minds at the moment.
We’re hoping tonight we can provide you with give you some much-needed joy and entertainment. I know that might not mean a lot coming from two guys most of you probably don’t even know, but that’s alright! The important thing is that for this one night, one night once a year, we’re all here together to celebrate this past year's wonderful collection of films. For many of us, film is a medium that inspires hope, empathy, and a new understanding of ourselves, each other, and the world around us. In a way, I think what we do at Smiling Friends is very similar to what filmmakers and artists do with their art – to reach out and inspire others from all walks of life. To help them learn more about themselves, give them a new perspective on life, and maybe pass that perspective on to someone else. If nothing else, we hope to bring every one of you together, even if only for a brief time, to inspire and give courage to new generations of artists to pursue their dreams and inspire more and more artists to come through the years. That much… we hope to do here tonight.
(*brief silence before the audience gives a standing ovation. The only one who doesn’t is Allan, who yawns loudly, while Glep claps with everyone else. In the Lagers’ press box, Chris bawls his eyes out*)
Chris: That was amazing!
María: (leaning over to Mr. Boss) That speech was a masterful touch.
Mr. Boss: Thanks. I wrote that all myself!
(*on stage, Charlie holds back tears as he hugs Pim*)
Charlie: Beautifully said, man.
Pim: Thanks, Charlie. I’m getting emotional myself. (clears throat) Thank you, everyone. Now let’s get on with the show!
